Book Review- It's Complicated (But It Doesn't Have to Be)

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's complicated (But Doesn't Have to Be).  This year I committed to read at least  a few dating books and do some spiritual work around dating. I'm not sure if I'll actually be dating this year but we'll see what happens. Anyway, I saw this book at the library and it was on my list so I picked it up. I was happy that I did. Dating is one area of my life that needs to be improved and it was refreshing to read a book that basically told me to treat dating as I would any other goal in my life. I unconsciously put all this expectation and baggage around dating that has blocked me from dating successfully over the years. If I get to dating at all this year it would probably be towards the second half of the year. The lessons I took from It's Complicated are:

 

-  Treat Dating Like any Other Goal. Be Proactive. This makes sense but it never occurred to me. I hadn't really considered online dating sites until reading this book. I am a more introverted person and online communities that meet in person have proven to be very good for someone with my type of personality. I've gone on meetups to meet new people and hangout. Why not do the same thing for dating? I am definitely going to give his advice a try. If online dating does not work for you then try being proactive in other ways that suite you better but get out there. You'll never know until you try.

 

- Love Yourself before You Love Someone Else. This is actually the rule that I am currently focusing on. I may need the entire year to truly feel more at peace with this aspect. Part of this means completing my makeover and getting more grounded in my career. Providing myself with stability is the ultimate form of self love and it's very important for me to have these things in place. I believe that you attract the person you are. I want someone who is fun but grounded and focused. I am focusing on embodying these things myself before I start dating again.

 

-No Mean Muggin' (Body Language). I have been accused of "looking mean" and also of always smiling. Someone once told me that I walked with my head down and looked  defeated when they knew me to be better than this. My body language is a combination of life and consciousness over the years. I suffered with extremely low self-esteem as a child and am almost certain that even though I am a more confident adult, my body language may sometimes be reminiscent of my childhood perspective. Paul C. Brunson also suggests studying body language in his book which I think is something else I would like to read a book or two on this year now. This is great advice. I try to smile and let people know that I am friendly but I haven't done much else in the body language department. 

 

-There is no Difference Between Your Brain in Love and Your Brain on Drugs. I really don't have to say much about this. If you've been in love or been in a relationship then you understand this. I will say the one time I  got grounded was due to some stupidity with an ex-boyfriend. People who are on drugs sometimes do stupid stuff. People who are in love sometimes do even stupider stuff.

 

-Sex Is Not Super Glue. Sex is super, but glue it is not. Another hard lesson I've had to learn. Sometimes the fireworks only happen in the bedroom and nowhere else. Don't confuse sex with having a relationship. These are two separate things.

 

Would I suggest, It's Complicated But Doesn't Have to Be by Robert C. Brunson? Yes (if you are serious about becoming proactive with dating). I'm not going to say it will provide you with new information but it might give you a different perspective on the information you already have. Sometimes we need to be reminded of what to do and how to do it. This book has a lot of good reminders. Check out It's Complicated on Amazon.

 

Kimmy